I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
