this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
