I got her a Nickelback box set.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
it glows. i had to have it.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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