so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Panties = found
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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