Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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