that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
