I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
