K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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