he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
