i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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