what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
