Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Randomize
