Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
