WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
