I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
