did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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