you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
