A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
