I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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