i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
