mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
