I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
