and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
