I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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