I smell stomach acid.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
