This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
