I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
