you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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