I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
