He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
NoShamevember. You game?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
