Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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