Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
