You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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