...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
they're like a gay fantastic four
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
