dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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