either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
