3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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