There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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