Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
