Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
