My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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