I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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