Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
