Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
