Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
