I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
