ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
