dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
