My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
