At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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